How to Meet Gay Men in London Without Apps or Bars: 15 Proven Ways to Build Real Connection
Gay Men meeting in London without the apps
If you're reading this, there's a good chance you already know what it feels like to scroll through Grindr for the hundredth time, open a conversation that goes nowhere, and close the app feeling more disconnected than when you opened it.
Or maybe you've spent enough Saturday nights in Soho to know that shouting over music in a packed bar isn't where meaningful friendships (or relationships) tend to begin.
You're not alone in feeling this way. Research published in the Journal of Homosexuality found that over 60% of gay and bisexual men report feeling lonely. And that's in a city where an estimated 45,000 gay men live within the same postcode boundaries. The issue isn't a lack of gay men in London. The issue is that most of the spaces designed for us are built around alcohol, sex, or swiping, and none of those things are particularly good at building the kind of connection most of us are actually craving.
So where do you go when you want something deeper? Here are 15 places and activities that are genuinely working for gay men in London right now.
Facilitated connection workshop for gay men in East London
Connection Events and Workshops
1. Pleasure Medicine (Connection Workshop and Ecstatic Dance)
This is a bi-weekly event in East London specifically for gay men, combining facilitated connection exercises with ecstatic dance. There's no alcohol, no pressure to look a certain way, and no small talk. The day begins with guided practices designed to help you drop out of your head and into your body, followed by a two-hour dance journey where you can move however feels right. What makes it different from a night out is the intentional container: everyone is there because they want to connect authentically, not perform. A growing community of men attend regularly, and many describe the friendships formed here as some of the deepest they've experienced.
Learn more: www.pleasuremedicine.co.uk
2. Slow Dating+ for Gay Men
If you're specifically looking for romantic connection without the swipe-and-ghost cycle, slow dating events offer a completely different approach. These facilitated half-day experiences guide you through a series of meaningful conversations that go far beyond "what do you do for work?" Pleasure Medicine runs Slow Dating+ events periodically for gay men in London.
Learn more: www.pleasuremedicine.co.uk/slow
3. The Connection Lab
Workshop-style events focused on building communication skills, practising vulnerability, and learning how to connect more deeply with other men. These tend to be smaller groups with a more intensive focus on personal growth. Meet men without the masks and practice being yourself.
Connection requires slowness, patience and shifting out judgements.
Sports, Fitness, and Outdoor Groups
4. OutdoorLads
One of the UK's largest outdoor activity groups for gay, bi, and trans men. They run everything from weekend hikes in the Peak District to kayaking, climbing, cycling, and wild swimming. The focus is firmly on the activity, which takes the pressure off socialising and lets friendships develop naturally through shared experience. Many members describe it as the antidote to screen-based socialising.
Learn more: www.outdoorlads.com
5. Gay Sports Clubs
London has an extraordinary range of gay sports teams: football (Stonewall FC), rugby (Kings Cross Steelers, the world's first gay rugby club), swimming (Out to Swim), running (London Frontrunners), tennis, volleyball, and more. Team sports build bonds through regular commitment, shared goals, and the kind of physical camaraderie that's hard to replicate elsewhere.
6. Gay Men's Yoga and Movement Classes
Several studios across London offer classes specifically for gay men or LGBTQ+ communities. These tend to attract men who are interested in wellbeing, mindfulness, and body awareness, making them natural spaces for forming connections with like-minded people. Naked yoga is a thing, Tanta and cuddle puddles!
Learn more:
https://www.brewerstreetyoga.com
https://andybutterfield.com
https://www.whoislikemike.com
Community Groups and Social Spaces
7. London LGBTQ+ Community Centre
Based in Bankside, this volunteer-run centre hosts a rotating programme of free and low-cost events: book clubs, film screenings, craft nights, language exchanges, and discussion groups. It's a genuinely welcoming space that attracts a diverse mix of people, and because it's sober by default, conversations tend to go deeper than they would at a bar.
8. London Friend (Mattrix Group)
London Friend is the UK's oldest LGBTQ+ charity and runs Mattrix, a social group specifically for people who want to meet others outside of the commercial scene. They host regular meet-ups in relaxed, non-bar settings. It's particularly good for anyone new to London or rebuilding their social circle.
Learn more: https://londonfriend.org.uk/london-friend-groups/
9. Edward Carpenter Community
A volunteer-run community that organises weekend gatherings and heart circles for men who love men. These residential weekends combine group activities, facilitated sharing, and social time in beautiful countryside settings. The community has been running since the 1980s and has a strong reputation for warmth and depth.
Learn more: https://www.edwardcarpentercommunity.org.uk/
Reading together is relaxing and has a point of shared interest for gay men.
Interest-Based Meetups
10. Gay Book Clubs
Several thriving gay book clubs operate across London, including groups through Meetup.com and the London LGBTQ+ Community Centre. Reading the same book gives you an immediate shared reference point, and discussing ideas together builds intellectual intimacy, something apps simply cannot offer.
11. Gay Men's Choirs
The London Gay Men's Chorus is one of the most established, but there are several others. Singing together is one of the fastest ways to build group connection. It requires vulnerability (using your voice in front of others), regular commitment (weekly rehearsals), and shared purpose (performances). Many members say the social bonds matter as much as the music.
12. Volunteering with LGBTQ+ Organisations
Charities like Switchboard (the LGBTQ+ helpline), London Friend, and various Pride organisations always need volunteers. Working alongside other gay men toward a shared cause builds connection through purpose rather than proximity. You'll meet people who care about the community, not people who are trying to get something from you.
Sober and Mindful Socialising
13. Queers Without Beers
Regular sober social gatherings for LGBTQ+ people in London. These events prove that alcohol isn't necessary for good conversation and genuine connection. The atmosphere tends to be warm, inclusive, and surprisingly fun, which challenges the assumption that "sober" means "boring."
Learn more: https://www.instagram.com/qwb_uk/?hl=en-gb
14. LGBTQ+ Meditation and Mindfulness Groups
Several mindfulness groups cater specifically to LGBTQ+ communities in London, offering a space to practise presence and awareness alongside other gay men. The shared practice creates a particular quality of connection that's hard to find in louder, more stimulating environments.
Learn more: https://www.evolvingminds.org.uk/
15. Gay Men's Hiking and Walking Groups
Multiple informal and organised walking groups bring gay men together across London and the surrounding countryside. Walking side by side (rather than face to face) naturally eases conversation, and the combination of fresh air, physical movement, and beautiful scenery creates a perfect backdrop for genuine friendship.
Walking side by side is one of the most natural ways to start a conversation.
Why These Alternatives Actually Work Better Than Apps
The reason these spaces build deeper connections isn't complicated. When you meet someone through a shared experience, you're connecting through who you both are and what you’re interested in. Apps reduce people to a photo and a bio. Bars add alcohol and noise. Neither gives you much to work with when it comes to building real rapport.
Connection events, sports clubs, community groups, and creative activities work because they create what psychologists call "shared vulnerability." You're trying something together, learning together, moving together. That shared experience becomes the foundation of a bond that's far more durable than anything built on a swipe.
The other thing worth naming is that many of these spaces are alcohol-free by default, which makes a significant difference to the quality of interaction. You're meeting people as they actually are, not as their third-drink version.
How to Actually Get Started
The biggest barrier isn't finding these groups. It's walking through the door the first time. Here are three things that help.
Go once without any expectations. Don't attend a connection event expecting to meet your future partner or your new best friend. Attend because you're curious. That takes the pressure off and lets you actually enjoy the experience.
Commit to three visits before deciding. Most groups and events feel awkward the first time because you don't know anyone. By the third visit, you'll recognise faces, remember names, and start to feel like you belong. One visit isn't enough data.
Tell one person you're going. Accountability helps. Text a friend, post it on your Instagram story, or mention it in a group chat. Making it real outside your own head makes you more likely to follow through.
Frequently Asked Questions
Where can I meet gay men in London that isn't a bar or club?
London has a growing number of alternatives including connection workshops, sports clubs, hiking groups, book clubs, choirs, volunteer organisations, and sober social events. Many of these are specifically designed for LGBTQ+ communities and offer a far more meaningful way to meet people.
How do I make gay friends as an adult in London?
The most effective approach is to join groups with regular, recurring meetups. Sports teams, community centres, and bi-weekly events like connection workshops let you build familiarity over time, which is how adult friendships actually form.
Are there sober gay events in London?
Yes, and the options are growing. Queers Without Beers, the London LGBTQ+ Community Centre, Pleasure Medicine, and various hiking and wellness groups all offer alcohol-free socialising for gay men.
Why is it so hard to meet gay men without apps?
Traditional gay social spaces have centred around bars and clubs for decades, and apps like Grindr have become the default. But a growing number of gay men in London are actively seeking alternatives, which is why connection events, workshops, and community groups are thriving.
What is Pleasure Medicine?
Pleasure Medicine is a bi-weekly connection workshop and ecstatic dance event for gay men in East London. It combines facilitated connection exercises with a sober dance experience, creating a space for authentic connection without alcohol, apps, or pretence.
How do I find gay community groups near me in London?
Start with the London LGBTQ+ Community Centre (Bankside), London Friend, Meetup.com (search for gay or LGBTQ+ groups), and Eventbrite. For East London specifically, Pleasure Medicine runs regular events for gay men.
