“I happily joined your group after a friend recommended it, and at first, I was excited to be part of it. But the very first thing that caught my attention was seeing someone I’ve had difficulties with. Since joining, I’ve stayed silent. Sometimes I feel tempted to attend events, but every time I consider it, I’m turned off by the thought of having to see this person again”

From Gary, Creator of Pleasure Medicine:

First of all, whoever you are, thank you for your vulnerable share

I totally hear you, and I understand what you’re going through from first hand experience myself, that this is a difficult and challenging topic…

We come to Pleasure Medicine to experience freedom of expression, to be with other gay men in a space of kindness, connection, care and community. And, for many of you, to have fun!

This becomes difficult, maybe even impossible, if there is someone else in the space that you’ve had challenging history with. I get it. It’s a hard and nuanced thing to navigate.

I’ve experienced this exact thing myself in the conscious dance community once before, years ago.

From your message, I’m not clear if the dynamic you are describing has happened through meeting this person at Pleasure Medicine or if it’s someone you’ve had challenges with in the past and they just happened to be there…

However, here’s my guidance for you, and for anyone moving forward that has interpersonal challenges, that inevitably will come up, seeing as we are all human.

The heartbeat of Pleasure Medicine is care, kindness, connection, communication and community. As best as we can, the mission is to respect and look after ourselves and each other.

Does this mean we all have to be best friends? No. 

But it does mean that everyone should feel that Pleasure Medicine is a safe space to come and be themselves.

Sometimes, interpersonal fractures can be healed with a conscious, kind and respectful conversation…

Sometimes they can’t, and for good reason. Maybe a boundary was crossed that was so significant that you don’t want to connect with this person any longer. And that is totally acceptable too.

Healing requires both parties to be open and willing to grow, to listen and speak honestly. An apology may be required. Not everyone is up for looking at their stuff, their part to play or what they might need to do or say to make things right.

So here are my suggestions:

1. Can you invite this person into a conversation with the intention of creating harmony?



Is there space for connection, growth, healing and reconciliation?



Maybe it’s a phone chat, a coffee or a text connection:


“Hey [name], are you open to connecting to see if we can resolve [problem] because I’d really love Pleasure Medicine to be a space we both feel good in”. 



This requires courage and vulnerability, even if you do not feel you were in the wrong in the first place.

Someone has to open the portal, and in my experience, it always feels good that it was me. 



Now, if you are the person that was in the wrong, said something or did something out of integrity (and sometimes it is both of you!) then you will need to find it within yourself to own it and apologise for your part to play.



2. If you just don’t feel this is possible, or you’ve tried and it failed (and this was my personal experience a few years ago), then there’s an opportunity for mature personal empowerment here:



“Can I be in this space with this person and remain centred?” 



I am not saying this is easy. It isn’t. But over time it will feel easier and more natural. 

For me the first couple of times was quite uncomfortable.

But my love for the dance, the community and the space was more powerful than my discomfort being around that person. 



In time, and after not too long, it became easier and my internal dialogue became: “yeah, we don’t see eye to eye, they treated me badly, I’m not a fan of this person, but I’m comfortable in my own skin, I have nothing to prove, and I can enjoy myself here even when we are in the same space. I wish them well. I let this go”.



So, ultimately, whatever the outcome, there is an opportunity for your personal growth. And this is the only thing we can ever truly take responsibility for. 

I hope that you can resolve this issue in a beautiful way and that you find the resolution you need. 

This is the most challenging part of creating a community like this, of bringing people together and being in interpersonal dynamics with other humans. Stuff will come up.

 Everyone, please remember this…

… if you are connecting with other Pleasure Medicine participants outside of the dance, whether it is as friends, collaborators, as lovers, sexually or entering relationships, then please make this commitment to yourself and each other: 

“I agree to try my best to be kind, to communicate and to create space so that we can all be our vulnerable tender selves, and still enjoy the Pleasure Medicine space together”.

Sometimes you might try to pursue a connection you made on the dance floor that doesn’t transfer well to the outside world. I’ve certainly experienced that quite few times in the past. 

Please talk about it. Communicate. And bring harmony to disharmony where you can. And accept that sometimes you can and sometimes you can’t.



Lots of Love to you all. I witness your tender humanity, your innocence and your beautiful beautiful hearts….

Gary x